#quarantinelife sure can suck a big one, can’t it?
There’s a lot of things that we’re frustrated with right now. We hate that we can’t see our friends and family. Some of us are without income and financially scared. Some of us are sick and hoping to recover. Some of us are just plain angry. All of us want this whole COVID-19 thing to be over with.
Since I’ve had some time to reflect and become more mindful of my emotions than my “typical” busy schedule would allow, I’ve noticed that I’ve becoming a lot more forgiving than I used to be. I’ve become forgiving with others when they scream at me on the phone or I see them lash out at a cashier – I GET IT. In a strange way, I’ve also become more forgiving with myself, and that might be the best part about this quarantine.
This is a letter to myself that will hopefully explain how my perception has changed (I think) for the better. It’s a letter of forgiveness.
Heyy boo boo,
I see you. I see you trying to keep your mind off of all of this crazy.
I see you noticing that your jeans are getting a little tighter and hating the fact that this is changing your body. I see you feeling like you’re “out of shape” even on the “shortest” of walks and hating yourself for it.
I see you wishing that this would all be over with so that you could hop on a plane to Pittsburgh or South Carolina and be with your family. I see you crying privately when news of their shutdowns hit, realizing that you couldn’t comfort your family in those locations because you’re in Minnesota and they’re not.
I see you trying hard to smile in front of your husband as much as possible so that he doesn’t know how anxious you really are about this whole thing. I see you putting on a strong face for him because his employment is “up in the air” like the rest of us – and I see you becoming way more conservative in your spending because of that. It kills you, because you just want to have a beer and pizza date at Mr. Pizza North or the Thirsty Belgian with him like you used to be able to.
I see you trying to hold onto to any sense of normal with bloody claws because it’s the last thing you have any control over. I see you letting co-workers cry on your shoulder when they’re overwhelmed. I see you coming to work with a smile and jokes just so everyone else would calm down. Doing that reminds you of the “radio entertainer” you once were is hard for you – but hey, if they’re happy, so are you.
Do you know what else I see?
I see a strong ass resilient woman. I see her stuffing way too much down further and further into an abyss that will one day explode in a way that you’re all too familiar with. STOP IT.
You are doing your absolute best just as we all are in these uncertain times. You are still working, and that’s something to be immensely grateful for. Keep doing you and keep supporting others as you have! The body weight is going to change regardless of these events, because that’s just your body. Embrace it, and know that it’s okay to have some comfort snacks right now. Just watch your portions and go on some more walks with your husband because you enjoy them.
It is far too devastating to allow yourself to become a victim of your negative thoughts and emotions – so let them out! It’s okay.
I forgive you. Please love yourself to the best of your ability right now.
What do you think about the idea of writing a letter of forgiveness to yourself? Do you think it would help you mentally?